❤️God Must Love Hearts ♥️

 I find and see hearts 💕🥰everywhere. Sometimes at my lowest point. I realized that many of the trees and plants I love have heart shaped leaves. Flowers have heart shaped petals. Many rocks and shells end up on the shoreline shaped like hearts; waiting for a heart seeking soul like mine to see each one I find as a special gift. Hearts give me hope. They lift my spirits. There are heart shaped clouds every single day. God must love hearts as much as I do. He created mine. A heart that has been broken so many times; and shattered this past year. I have found hearts with holes in them; yet they remain whole. It seems at my lowest points, U am reminded that my heart is good and I need to care for it, guard it and love it….like the flowers I care for. Love does conquer the greatest disappointments. Self love and the love we give away is never wasted. These are gifts. I refuse to become hateful or bitter. I wasn’t created to be evil. I am protecting my heart from the evil selfish acts of my daughter’s father and his wife. They almost succeeded in breaking my heart beyond repair when they intentionally alienated and blocked my daughters from my life. They are both attorneys. She specializes in step-parent adoption. Her law firm represented him and I have a book I will write. Meanwhile, they blocked me from talking about it on Facebook, Instagram or to my daughters. This morning I sent an “I Love You” message to my twins. One of them has blocked me again. I began to cry and then found the most perfect, smallest heart I have ever seen. My faith has kept me seeking a purpose, having hope and I know in my heart that God’s angels are bigger that the evil of greed and abuse. 

My Heart Lies Bleeding

 My heart lies bleeding on the floor of a cave of secrets...

Pictures not depicting, the ugliness of the hell that scorches, burns and mutilates the communion of soul and spirit we share....

Words meant to maim and forever silence a voice, 

Hope is etched slowly away and given back

Promises of love that run deeper than the  ocean tide of rage that sweeps in and tears away all hope,

Sweeping out to sea,

So far away...

My soul searches in despair, for a life raft of your undying love, 

To lift me once again,out of the angry rage that beats down my hope and breaks my spirit. 

My voice screams in desperation, fearful of succumbing in silence. 

My love for you flattened upon the sands of despair, blown viciously, recklessly scattered afar.

Never again to return to the hope and faith I had in you. 

Jan. 22, 2019

Sunshine in Broken Places

 

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Sunshine in Broken Places

In the cold chill of morning, I cracked the front door to let our dog Bear out. Unlike most mornings; Bear ran toward our garage barking noisily.
I rushed out in the still morning still covered in darkness,  to hush him and bring him in; when I saw a small child who lived down the road, wearing only a flannel shirt, jeans and tennis shoes in the thirty something degrees frost bitten morning air.  I went to him and asked him why he was at our home so early.  He quietly told me that he had been sent to my home 4o minutes before the bus arrived as  a punishment for forgetting his boots. He had no coat.   

This was day number two that he had arrived at our house to stand in the cold alone in the pre-dawn darkness but this morning it was much earlier than the day yesterday...

I gave him a tight hug and made him a very warm bed of blankets against my garage door and put a pillow under his little head. He smiled and said thank you and then  asked if he could have something to eat and requested the same cheese nips as yesterday.  Cold and hunger are two things that bother me most when it comes to children. Pain and fear are more than my heart can bear. 

I got them and went inside to my daughters and asked them to please not talk about this child's life with anyone. The lessons they learned the past two mornings are lessons that only the broken places of life are able to teach.  They took care of him instinctively and  threw the blankets in the garage quickly when they heard the bus approach.  I saw he left behind the shirt I had given him to wear.  We kept the blankets and shirt ready again.  

Today is the anniversary of our youngest brother Shannon's death. He died unexpectedly and tragically in a car accident at the age of 22.  I had planned on writing a blog in his memory and I may still do so  but...

instead I found sunshine in the most broken place as I realized that God sent this small child to my home because he knew I would care for, and love him as much as I am able to do.  In what could have been a very dark and scary moment of his young life; I was able to place some warmth, kindness and sunshine in his life. I was able to build some trust. 

I have learned that sometimes I  can not change a person's life; but I can certainly do whatever I am able to do to add any amount of sunshine to their  lives and hopefully make their path a little easier. 

In caring for this child; I was touched personally.  These are the moments that have shaped me and are shaping my children. The sunshine for me today was in providing warmth and food and kindness for the broken child that found his way to my doorstep.  

I can not change the past or erase any pain I have known; but I can make a difference in each day and look around me with eyes that wish to see; and hands that desire to help.

It is in helping others that I am giving the greatest gift to myself and my daughters.  

Sometimes I wonder if my desire to reach out is more than a reaction.  Am I simply paying forward the many acts of love and rescue and care that were extended to me as a small child? I have little recollection but I know there were many angels.  There have always been angels. 

I embrace these moments when unexpectedly I am honored with the gift of being a guardian angel to someone else.  That is my hearts greatest wish; and my souls brightest sunshine. 


daisy girl 77 rzm

A Tribute to my brother Shannon Michael Atwood 3/23/2013

Today is has been 22 years Shannon Michael has been gone.  However, today I have decided to share something Shannon wrote....It was a blessing to find and read again and allowed me to see and hear and feel our brother once again, if only for a moment....I hope this is his gift to you today as well.  That is what he would have wanted....The following story was handwritten by Shannon Michael Atwood...  (Part 1)

11:00 Monday 4/16/88 

The OLd Olklohomon

The fact that what I am going to write about, a man that has changed my life so much 

I know this story can only do a mynut (minute) credit to what he has done to the lives he came in contact with.

I met Fred Vinyard in the Fall of 75 it was Halloween and I was all dressed up as a cowboy I believe it was Clint Eastwood; High planes drifter outfit. and I had prepped myself all day learning how to walk like him  sqwint and learn basically the general nature of the Old West. Myself and my mother had been making our rounds threw the subburbun towns where I knew I could make a killing on tricker treat candy, but it was getting late and I wanted to do one last stop, and that was to see my busdriver so he could take a look at my costume. and to sorta mad peace with him becaus I had got in a fight on his bus and I don't think he was to happy with my tactics of fightin because I had hit my Foe in the Head with my speed Buggy Lunch Box about 12 times. So we were Heading in that direction when my mother said I want to stop and see if old Fred is home,  Old Fred I thought, pee on old Fred  I want to go to my Bus Drivers because I knew I would get a truck load of candy.  I Hollerd and threw a fit when she turned down 40th Street because she wasn't going in tthe desired direction I had conceved in my head.  So I hushed for a littel wile. until we came to the driveway and and she said he is such a nice old man , I said, who is a nice old man and she said this old guy I get my tomatos from. So I thought a minute.  I was not fermilyer with the old guy but I was his tomatos.  They were huge and I might add deliecious, so I was coherent with the fact he did grow good vegetabels because when your 6 years old the only thing a tomato is for is nothing untill it gets Rotten, then it is a prized possession amung the littel.  It's main purpose is to be  flung threw the air at great volocity at certin inhabitants of our race, known as females, most likely my sisters.  But here we were pulling up the drive in our old 73 Impala, My mother knew I was frustrated, and she said to be patient. 

I seen this screen door open and this figure come waltzing out across the dirt driveway and I wasent really paying that much attention, so he came over to my ma's side of the car and said Hellooow, it was a different kind of Hellow I picked that right up, it sort of lingered out into the air and made you feel welcome. They walked around he was showing her  his garden and pointing this way and that probbibly showing her what was gonna go where.  So she got back in the car they said good bye but as we were backing out of the driveway my ma got stuck. So now I would never get where we were suposed to be headed. He hooked up a chain and pulled us out but just as we were about to leave he said wooow one second. He ran into the house as spry as a 20 year old and came over to the window where I was and said Here boy and handed me an apple.  I said Thankx mister.  He said your very welcome, so we were headin home and I said he is a nice guy and she said very nice he has a kind old heart. It wasn't much, an apple but he was nice enough to give it to me.  So he was ok in my book.

(I wrote all of this as parts of this story made me see, breathe, and feel Shannon once again...  We miss you brother...we always will.)

Love Is….

Love is that deep seated desire to heal the person you are with. Love takes maturity and sacrifice and compassion. Love is when you  become the strength, the shoulder, the  back rub, whatever your partner needs to feel well. Love provides the gear you need to climb mountains, overcome fears and be your best strongest self. Love is like the ocean waves...what leaves the shore comes back with even more. I  am truly thankful that I love and I am loved. It is not a process but more like breathing. The inhale and exhale are partners, and fail alone .....

 and the greatest of these gifts is love.  ❤

Going to College

 

Monday, March 28, 2016

Going to College

Our children dance away......

in the rain of our tears.

                                                                

                                                                                               rzm daisygirl77

Summer Lullaby

 

Monday, April 18, 2016

Summer Lullaby

The gentle caress of the summer breeze and warm kiss of the sun,

Wash over my skin with a soft sensuality my body craves.

The steady tempo of  the waves rolling onto shore,

create  a rhythmic summer song that lulls me to sleep.

daisygirl77 rzm

04-17-2016

The Heart of My Mother

 

Thursday, April 28, 2016

The Heart of My Mother

My AMAISING girls at Villa del Palmar Cancun

Still Broken

My story is growing old,

my story has been told;

I am tired. I am worn,

my soul's bruised and it is torn

I am weary.

I look to the sun most every day

searching for courage to find my way

not just making or existing

but happy too.

longing for sun  and to go elsewhere,

make me strong, please  hide my fear

I am so weary.

One of these days I'll say good bye,

maybe I'll hope, perhaps I'll cry;

but I will know deep in my heart'

there's a better end;

than I had a start.

I'm always hoping for some more,

The truth is found so far from shore.

I keep seeking,

look some more...still it's not there.

I'm always hoping.

I've been broken to the core.

loving you much,

wanting so much more.

knowing you can't love me back,

even if you wanted....

fixing your soul is my desire,

healing your heart,

       fixing your  mind,

             erasing your pain.

fixing you, would fix me too.

my path always leads me back  to you.

when you are finished,  I'll be through

my whole life,

I've always loved you.

So please take care of you my dear,

I so dearly wish you were near,

you can comfort all my fear.

but still you're broken.

and I,

i am

broken

too.

daisy girl 77 rzm

(date written....unsure)

My Thoughts on Politics and Christianity 2016 Election

Well here is my one and only political comment which I will give prior to the debate tonight.

At church this Sunday, I had the privilege of being reminded that there are people on both sides of our political system that believe in God, claim to be Christians and think that their viewpoints accurately reflect their belief and faith.

Here within lies our biggest challenge as citizens of this great country, that is as imperfect as we are; but also as strong and diverse and unites in any tragedy; much like a family joins together, September 11 showed that all too well. We were truly united in those weeks following September 11.

There was a point in history where Caesar was demanding more taxes and the Jewish people came to Jesus, who had already cleared the temple of all of the people who didn't belong there. They asked him what they should do? Pay the taxes or revolt? His answer was perfect. Whose name is on the money? It was Caesar's. He said, "Give back to Caesar what is his." The bottom line was that they could not and would not lose anything more because they belonged to God.

Jesus chose not to have a revolt. His example is one many 'Christians' certainly need reminded of.

To me, this is the big picture; if you are arguing from the Bible you stand on...

People in this country on opposing sides are being hateful, intolerant, ridiculing, threatening and acting like the other party will surely destroy our nation. In my way of thinking, that gives very little respect for how we were taught to 1.) let the light of love and forgiveness and compassion be burning so bright that another person will know we are Christians by our love and the light that shines from within. 2.) Be not a follower or a lover of money but to see the beauty of the Earth and all that God created. 3.)Gives a presidential nominee more power than the " Almighty God" who I am pleased to remind you is the God of many religions, many political parties and opinions and a God who has been gracious in forgiveness and clearly told us not 'to judge one another, lest we be judged."

Our country isn't weakened by candidates that win. It is weakened by people fighting with each other over who is right. Judging each other like one is a Christian and the other isn't. Cleaning up our own backyards before we condemn others, getting to let people and lives that are different from our to get close enough to impact our life experience.

I am probably a liberal Democratic Republican. LOL I have been shaped by life, the people and circumstances that have allowed me to realize that a lot of propaganda is bullshit.

So, if you are claiming to be a Christian and fighting with your neighbors, not speaking to family members about how you may vote, then I challenge you to reexamine your faith and to also look at what you condemn. Many people and their plights may never touch you in this life, but they do touch God, if he is all knowing, all feeling, and forgiving. If you believe in Jesus, he hung out with everyone. He showed grace and love and compassion and forgiveness.

I am most certain that the hatred and innuendos and accusations that are taking place give a more accurate picture of how weak we are as Christians and how far removed and out of touch we have become from what was taught. I am talking to every party.

Have faith. Vote like you feel compelled to do. Be kind and tolerant and loving.

The way "Christians" act is the reason I will not stand under the broad umbrella that no longer represents how I believe or how I believe I should be living my life. I am too tolerant, too forgiving, too loving, too accepting, too non judgmental to be a Christian by today's standards. Yet, I do believe.

Angel Man

                          Angel Man

 Like the comforting whisper of the wind, you subtly blew into my life,

 kind words and gentle touch erasing; scars created from years of strife.

The hope and promise that you brought, filled my heart with song. 

My soul had been waiting for you, for so very long.


Without knowing or expecting much, we seemed to connect;

minutes turned to hours, and time went by too quick.

You took my hand and gently, with kindness, care and grace,

kissed me, held me, desired me, passion evident in your face.


Memories of places my soul yearned for, reawakened with your touch.

my woman's soul was needy, responding to your man's lust, oh so greedy.

Giving, getting, wanting more; both of us so spent.

I have no doubt my time with you, had to be heaven sent.


This small town girl will never regret, 

the passion that we shared;

for your gentle touch healed me,

and your light made me quickly forget.


To be so close and vulnerable, 

in this brazen brand new light;

you were so different  from all I'd known,

yet you felt so very right.


So much more loving, than anything I'd known...

the gentle rain playing a song of our own.

Lulled into a peaceful slumber, comforted by your snore.

Every time I think of  you, all I want is more.


To awaken to your passion and touch again,

the desire I feel for you cannot be a sin.

My lips instinctively seek your kiss each time,

my body craves your touch. I want you to be mine,


I will try to do it right and learn from my mistakes,

not to give my heart away; but let love define it's shape.

So, in spite of the fact that I could love you madly,

in spite of desire and wanting you badly,


I'll hope and I'll pray that this time I'm right

and the connection we shared will one day shine bright.

In giving you back the time that you need,

I'm paving a path with good loving seed.



May your eyes and heart stay open,

your memory of me burn bright.

A heart up in the heavens, 

lets me know, meeting you was right.


If its not you, then I can only plead,

that someone with your magic 

will come and claim my soul,

proof of love from up above, that is all I need. 

You secured my insecurity, with your gentle soul.

You spoke words my heart so needed and

I'd forgotten how to feel.

Your kindness was a love note, that truly helped me heal.


My words to you were honest, as your kiss upon my lips.

My truly unforgettable, forever angel man....

You cradled me to strong again, 

your passion helped me stand. 

                                                   

daisygirl77                                                   
2016

Broken Songbird

Locked inside this home,
filled with mold and lack of care
my lungs are my wings;
and my wings they have no air.

I grasp onto a thread of hope
I've managed to restore,
but in my restless sleep
my hope has slipped away once more.

I am a bird, trapped in a cage.
I've fallen to the floor.
Drowning in the river of my tears,
my wings can fly no more.

Hearing the last small sound emitted,
from my tattered broken core,
my angels send a gentle hand,
to lift me up and help me stand.

How did she know I was broken,
lying hopeless on the floor.
How did she know I had lost my will
and I could no longer soar?

With the insight of a God I can't reach,
she has the wind I need,
and on the wings of laughter and friendship,
I begin to breath.

The nighttime pillow of despair,
waits for me to sleep,
and smothers me with its familiar scent ,
slowly crushing out my air.

Awakened again, I lay motionless,
on the floor of this cage I have known,
the cage of depression, of sorrow,
my familiar home.

I am but a songbird, and the air of music I need
music gently heals my soul
without the song I'm singing,
I'll simply cease to breath.

This cage will not contain me,
I've found my strength once more.
slowly I am climbing out,
to find space where my soul can soar.

I was a broken songbird,
and thought I would sing no more.
my guardian angels rescued me
and helped me fly once more.

Red Flag Warning

RED FLAG WARNING


Loving you,                                          
is like swimming,

with a red flag warning.


knowing all the risks, 

warnings all about.

Still, I walk in on my own,

feeling fear that's never shown.


Wanting for my love to calm your storm,

my peace to soothe your rage, 

and bring us safely back to shore.


rage buried deep within the waves.

hidden to everyone, but me.

no one understands why there's a red flag warning.


Your outer calm erases my doubt,

I've walked too far in; now I can't get out,

I see your red flag rage as I go under.


I am drowning in the sea,

of your tumultuous love for me.

No one safe at shore, can see me sinking. 


No one safe at shore, is even thinking

there's a red flag warning.


I am sinking,

I am drowning in the sea

of your tumultuous love for me.


no one safe at shore can hear me shout,

no one safe at shore can pull me out.

your undertow of rage has pulled me under.

No one safe at shore can see me sinking,

No one safe at shore is even thinking,

there's a red flag warning. 


daisygirl77

My Daddy

My Daddy

My daddy left when I was four;
tears wet his cheeks as he shut the door.
He drove for miles , nowhere to go,
miles of cold and dirty snow.

Daddy wanted to see us grow;
yet empty years passed with nothing to show,
for the children they'd conceived.
Empty years, lonely nights; one big broken dream.

I grew up without knowing my dad;
never realizing the depth of love he had.
Seldom worrying about him, my life was my own;
much love and affection to my mama was shown.

High school has come and gone
those days have passed me by.
In our lives, he couldn't share;
I was taught to believe he didn't care.

Now grown up and on my own,
I finally know my dad.
He knows my fears, he soothes my pain,
he shares in joys I have.

Daddy loved us children so;
but, still he had to go,
his punishment was to lose us too,
the pain of loss is all he knew.

All the things that I have missed,tear me apart inside.
I wanted a family, oh so bad.
One set of parents, a happy home;
this I never had.


daisygirl77 reflections-rzm
(written in 1979 for my Daddy/
revised in 2016)

My Village

MY VILLAGE

They say it takes a village to raise a child,

it also takes a village, to hold us up

when we’re challenged with the extra mile.

a hug,

a smile,

a lended hand…

when a life is broken up,

a village holds you ‘til you can stand.

A village is the knowledge that

great advice is always near,

assistance when it’s needed…

some hope, some love, some cheer.

A village cares for children,

whether near or far away.

A village gives us solid ground,

when we don’t know, what to do or say.

In my life, I will always keep,

thoughts of angels watching over me

while I sleep.

There are angels placed on Earth;

protecting lives, is their worth.

Caring, sharing, knowing when,

to fill my cup back up again.

You have been my angels,

you are my solid ground.

With my whole heart I thank you

for taking time to be around,

For love you give so freely,

your care, your help, your strength.

You helped me stand back up again,

when my soul was broken, my faith so thin.

I am thankful for each of you.

there are no words more true.

Thanks written out in a million notes. 

So well deserved, from me to you.
notes I've made up in my mind, time and again....

written in my heart and soul,

many thanks I've penned.

So many thoughts, you will never know,

I regret that my thanks didn't always show.

I love you.

I appreciate you.

My thoughts are with you all the time.

I am truly blessed

to call this family mine.

Without you, I don't know,

what we would have done.

You helped to build me up again,

until my face could feel the sun.

Our lives are better because of you.

You have been my rock, my shelter, my steady,

whenever I have needed you,

your love has been so ready.

You are my village.

I love you.

Rae of Sunshine daisygirl77