My Daddy

My Daddy

My daddy left when I was four;
tears wet his cheeks as he shut the door.
He drove for miles , nowhere to go,
miles of cold and dirty snow.

Daddy wanted to see us grow;
yet empty years passed with nothing to show,
for the children they'd conceived.
Empty years, lonely nights; one big broken dream.

I grew up without knowing my dad;
never realizing the depth of love he had.
Seldom worrying about him, my life was my own;
much love and affection to my mama was shown.

High school has come and gone
those days have passed me by.
In our lives, he couldn't share;
I was taught to believe he didn't care.

Now grown up and on my own,
I finally know my dad.
He knows my fears, he soothes my pain,
he shares in joys I have.

Daddy loved us children so;
but, still he had to go,
his punishment was to lose us too,
the pain of loss is all he knew.

All the things that I have missed,tear me apart inside.
I wanted a family, oh so bad.
One set of parents, a happy home;
this I never had.


daisygirl77 reflections-rzm
(written in 1979 for my Daddy/
revised in 2016)

My Village

MY VILLAGE

They say it takes a village to raise a child,

it also takes a village, to hold us up

when we’re challenged with the extra mile.

a hug,

a smile,

a lended hand…

when a life is broken up,

a village holds you ‘til you can stand.

A village is the knowledge that

great advice is always near,

assistance when it’s needed…

some hope, some love, some cheer.

A village cares for children,

whether near or far away.

A village gives us solid ground,

when we don’t know, what to do or say.

In my life, I will always keep,

thoughts of angels watching over me

while I sleep.

There are angels placed on Earth;

protecting lives, is their worth.

Caring, sharing, knowing when,

to fill my cup back up again.

You have been my angels,

you are my solid ground.

With my whole heart I thank you

for taking time to be around,

For love you give so freely,

your care, your help, your strength.

You helped me stand back up again,

when my soul was broken, my faith so thin.

I am thankful for each of you.

there are no words more true.

Thanks written out in a million notes. 

So well deserved, from me to you.
notes I've made up in my mind, time and again....

written in my heart and soul,

many thanks I've penned.

So many thoughts, you will never know,

I regret that my thanks didn't always show.

I love you.

I appreciate you.

My thoughts are with you all the time.

I am truly blessed

to call this family mine.

Without you, I don't know,

what we would have done.

You helped to build me up again,

until my face could feel the sun.

Our lives are better because of you.

You have been my rock, my shelter, my steady,

whenever I have needed you,

your love has been so ready.

You are my village.

I love you.

Rae of Sunshine daisygirl77

The Heart of My Mother

Summer Lullaby

The gentle caress of the summer breeze and warm kiss of the sun,

Wash over my skin with a soft sensuality my body craves.

The steady tempo of  the waves rolling onto shore,

create  a rhythmic summer song that lulls me to sleep.

daisygirl77 rzm

04-17-2016

Going to College

Our children dance away......

in the rain of our tears.

                                                                

                                                                                               rzm daisygirl77

The Gift of a Glimpse

You allowed me a snapshot, a brief moment to go back to my youth, a chance to hang out with my brother again, laugh and be ridiculous, care free and irresponsible.

Only when I looked up, did the mirror confirm what my heart already knew, those days had passed  me by.

My time had come and gone. My glimpse was a gift. It was meant to  be a reflection and nothing more. It was a pick me up and put me on my feet again moment.  It is time to refocus on my present and embrace where I am now in life.
It is time for me to love myself as I am, and to start pursuing all I hope to become.

Even as I look at  the tasks that lie  before me; do I  realize  that  I have managed to cheat ten years.

I look beside me and  there are bike rides and walks to take, sand castles to build and tears to wipe dry.  Little women to raise.

The bar stool I have been sitting on is worn by many "go nowhere" memories of those who have shared it before me.

I am thankful that I did not waste months or years sitting here in this go nowhere place doing go nowhere things with go nowhere people.

My dreams and 'to dos' are written on a list which  I have memorized.

The first one....I will love and value myself to teach my daughters to love and value themselves.
The second one....Inspire my daughters by inspiring myself.
Admit when I am wrong.
Clean up my messes.
Start a blog
Get a website
Write a book
Learn to speak another language
Get a Passport stamp in my Passport at least every 2 years.
Keep a list of dreams and goals until the day I die.


daisygirl77 rzm

Sunshine in the Shadows

JARED ZIMMERMAN: YOU AS A FORMER WRESTLER BROKE THE MOLD AND STEPPED OUTSIDE YOUR ARMOR AND ADMITTED YOU NEEDED HELP, ASKED FOR HELP, AND ARE HEALING.

Dear Jared. When I watched your video my initial thought was that by being able to share the path you walked you did something that was potentially life altering for many. This morning I realized what it was that was so profound to me about your video. To fully explain, I have to share a quote from your Dad in the article CMU wrote, "Removing the Armor: Former Student's Suicide Reveals Struggle to Ask for Help"

From the article: Calvin described him [Justin Zimmerman} as reserved, but a deep and reflective thinker. The pain of a role model falling below his own standards stayed bottled up inside, and his closest friends and family were always kept unaware of his inner struggle.
"What I think we do such a great job in (wrestling) is of building men to be so strong that they can't break," Calvin said. "We don’t do a good job of recognizing or teaching the fact that physical pain is different than mental pain. The missing thing I can think of that wouldn’t allow him to reach out is he had built an armor around himself. He had compassion; he could reach out to others’ problems, but I don’t know if he saw it as a sign of weakness to reach out for himself."

What you have done Jared that is so profound is this: as a very successful athlete, with a wrestler's strength and mentality; you like your brother were built to be strong as a wrestler and not break. You were able to live in my home, in our lives, and hide how deep and dark the place was that you were in. You had an armor around yourself. Your Dad would call me and we knew you were depressed, we knew you were hurting but it took you reaching out for anyone to realize how deep into depression you had fallen.
Your is a story that needs to be told and shared with every single wrestler, athlete, young man....those strong courageous, well mannered, funny, hard working young men that we somehow feel will always overcome adversity. Even when we knew you were hurting, when we cried with you and for you; you were able to put up that armor that protected you and fooled even me. I was on a careful watch and even with my gut feeling was telling me to dig deeper; I respected your pain and strength and privacy you requested.
I am nobody special in this story; I could be the mom, the dad, the sister, the brother, the aunt, the uncle, the coach, the cousin, the best friend.
You Jared Zimmerman are the athlete, the accomplished young man that your dad was referencing in this article. There are many many young men like you and Justin. We raise you and train you and love you and take pride in you every day. We believe in your strength. We believe we would know if you truly needed us. Our family is not isolated. Suicide and tragic accidents are claiming too many lives.
I watch your video and I see a profound opportunity for coaches to learn from a life that did not end tragically 1. because you were able to realize the love and pain and devastation that resulted from Justin's death. 2. You went home like Justin did; but you asked for help and counseling and knew you needed it.
Jared, I am so proud of you. Our entire family and your community of friends are proud of you. Your story will change more than one life. Your story has the potential to help so many. It is not by accident you are here sharing your story. You tell it. Tell it for all of the Justin's that could not find the strength to break their own armor. I will share your story and Justin's story. It is too important.
Like Erin said yesterday, " I felt like the world was crying for him today. That's how much of an impact he had." I personally don't' think we will ever be able to fill the void that has been left or quit wishing for a different ending.

Through sharing his story and your own and even many other stories that resulted from one of those "rare suicides that no one saw coming", You have allowed us inside the armor and have also taught a very valuable lesson to those of us who need to learn more.

Thank you for sharing so unselfishly. Inspire One Fitness is about inspiring one. You have and will continue to do so. Justin's death will not be in vain. I am thankful for your story, for your life and for the healing of each member of your wonderful family.

I love you dearly, we all do.

Aunt Rena

p.s. I know this probably is blog material; however; I can think of no better way to fill my pages. I hope my letter to you will "inspire one and save a life". You and your family inspire me each and every day.