My Heart Lies Bleeding

 My heart lies bleeding on the floor of a cave of secrets...

Pictures not depicting, the ugliness of the hell that scorches, burns and mutilates the communion of soul and spirit we share....

Words meant to maim and forever silence a voice, 

Hope is etched slowly away and given back

Promises of love that run deeper than the  ocean tide of rage that sweeps in and tears away all hope,

Sweeping out to sea,

So far away...

My soul searches in despair, for a life raft of your undying love, 

To lift me once again,out of the angry rage that beats down my hope and breaks my spirit. 

My voice screams in desperation, fearful of succumbing in silence. 

My love for you flattened upon the sands of despair, blown viciously, recklessly scattered afar.

Never again to return to the hope and faith I had in you. 

Jan. 22, 2019

Sunshine in Broken Places

 

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Sunshine in Broken Places

In the cold chill of morning, I cracked the front door to let our dog Bear out. Unlike most mornings; Bear ran toward our garage barking noisily.
I rushed out in the still morning still covered in darkness,  to hush him and bring him in; when I saw a small child who lived down the road, wearing only a flannel shirt, jeans and tennis shoes in the thirty something degrees frost bitten morning air.  I went to him and asked him why he was at our home so early.  He quietly told me that he had been sent to my home 4o minutes before the bus arrived as  a punishment for forgetting his boots. He had no coat.   

This was day number two that he had arrived at our house to stand in the cold alone in the pre-dawn darkness but this morning it was much earlier than the day yesterday...

I gave him a tight hug and made him a very warm bed of blankets against my garage door and put a pillow under his little head. He smiled and said thank you and then  asked if he could have something to eat and requested the same cheese nips as yesterday.  Cold and hunger are two things that bother me most when it comes to children. Pain and fear are more than my heart can bear. 

I got them and went inside to my daughters and asked them to please not talk about this child's life with anyone. The lessons they learned the past two mornings are lessons that only the broken places of life are able to teach.  They took care of him instinctively and  threw the blankets in the garage quickly when they heard the bus approach.  I saw he left behind the shirt I had given him to wear.  We kept the blankets and shirt ready again.  

Today is the anniversary of our youngest brother Shannon's death. He died unexpectedly and tragically in a car accident at the age of 22.  I had planned on writing a blog in his memory and I may still do so  but...

instead I found sunshine in the most broken place as I realized that God sent this small child to my home because he knew I would care for, and love him as much as I am able to do.  In what could have been a very dark and scary moment of his young life; I was able to place some warmth, kindness and sunshine in his life. I was able to build some trust. 

I have learned that sometimes I  can not change a person's life; but I can certainly do whatever I am able to do to add any amount of sunshine to their  lives and hopefully make their path a little easier. 

In caring for this child; I was touched personally.  These are the moments that have shaped me and are shaping my children. The sunshine for me today was in providing warmth and food and kindness for the broken child that found his way to my doorstep.  

I can not change the past or erase any pain I have known; but I can make a difference in each day and look around me with eyes that wish to see; and hands that desire to help.

It is in helping others that I am giving the greatest gift to myself and my daughters.  

Sometimes I wonder if my desire to reach out is more than a reaction.  Am I simply paying forward the many acts of love and rescue and care that were extended to me as a small child? I have little recollection but I know there were many angels.  There have always been angels. 

I embrace these moments when unexpectedly I am honored with the gift of being a guardian angel to someone else.  That is my hearts greatest wish; and my souls brightest sunshine. 


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